I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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