I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
