I want to walk on stilts...naked
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
