Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
