My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Pooping to opera.
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