Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
