Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
