Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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