can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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