GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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