The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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