I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
