3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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