it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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