living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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