apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
