omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
