Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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