Little spoons don't ask big questions
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
