Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and she was petting her beer can
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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