I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want her autograph on my taint
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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