She said her name was "party"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
