So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
