When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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