His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
