Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
