you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
