in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
