You made me cry and you don't even care
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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