why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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