did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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