Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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