There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
