life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
