woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
