oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
