So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
