yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
