u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
