I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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