so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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