Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
