I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
