good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My balls are so social today.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
