dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize