Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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