i already hear my dad disowning me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize