True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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