Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
