Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
