he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
