god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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