he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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