Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My ass is underappreciated
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
