woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
