You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
