first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
