So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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