I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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