Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
