my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
